


(here it comes) with no warning

by growlery writes (growlery)



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Other, Pre-Canon, extremely ridiculous, kissing as a heist tactic, what could generously be described as a heist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery%20writes
Summary: Grand needs a very special, very elusive metal for his latest project. Echo is just the person to obtain it for him.





	(here it comes) with no warning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lady_mab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/gifts).



“You could just use something else,” Dromedary Obscura says, and Grand fixes her with an incredulous look. 

“Are you suggesting I sully my creation with an inferior-”

“No, of course not.” Dromedary is valiantly holding back an eye roll, which Grand appreciates. They have a good working relationship, even if she’ll never have Grand’s appreciation for his craft, and Grand doesn’t have time to waste on finding a new supplier. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I don’t care what it takes,” Grand says. “I need that metal. Do you know where I can find it or not?”

Dromedary shakes her head. “I know someone who can find it for you. But their methods aren’t exactly, uh. Conventional.”

“Dromedary,” Grand sniffs, “I of all people know the value of unconventional methods.”

“I’m aware,” Dromedary says. “I’m pretty sure this is a new avenue for you, though.”

“I will take whatever route is open to me in order to complete my masterpiece.”

Dromedary blows out a breath. “I’m trying to say it’s illegal, dude,” she says. “You sure you don’t want to try something else?”

Grand isn’t speechless. That doesn’t happen to him. He’s just not sure how to frame what he’s thinking right now, and it’s important that the words all come out in the right order. 

“I said whatever route,” he says, after barely a moment’s pause. “I meant whatever route.”

Dromedary shakes her head. “Cool,” she says. “Here’s where you need to go.”

&&

Grand has never been to the Tides of Harmony before. It’s not from a lack of desire; he’s always been intrigued by the inherent duality it presents, what consequences that must bear on its inhabitants, citizens of two ships, joined as one. But Grand Magnificent is intrigued by plenty of things. There are only so many hours in the day, and Grand Magnificent’s time is precious. 

It’s a fleeting visit. Grand is on a schedule. His patron is not known for their patience, and he doesn’t wish to test it. Still, it would’ve been nice to do some sightseeing. 

Stepping off the docking bay, he spares only a moment for regret - a truly wasteful emotion - before picking his way through the crowd, following the map Dromedary had given him. It’s more difficult than he anticipated. His connection keeps stuttering, freezing in place for whole seconds before abruptly jerking to life. 

Grand was aware that the Tides had some troubles with regards to the Mesh. He knew many of the people of Harmony had no connection to the Mesh at all. But he didn’t realise it would affect him. 

The Mesh recedes entirely as he approaches his final destination. At first, Grand thinks it’s the connection, particularly spotty in this area, but as he gets closer he realises there’s just- nothing here. Nothing overlaid over what physically exists. Just a simple row of buildings on a simple street. It’s wonderfully quaint, almost beautiful, stripped bare and rendered solely as it is. It doesn’t look like a front for a criminal organisation, but Grand supposes that’s the point. He’s impressed. He didn’t expect a criminal organisation would have such an eye for design. 

“Excuse me,” he announces, stepping inside the building Dromedary had carefully circled. “I’m looking for Echo Reverie.”

It’s a cavernous room filled with various wooden objects, from smooth, broad tables to exquisitely detailed animal carvings. It’s a workshop, Grand supposes, or at least a facade in the shape of a workshop. It seems like an awful lot of effort to go to just to obscure the actual business you’re conducting; there’s a bird easily twice his size swooping down from the ceiling and Grand can see each individual feather. 

There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the room with him, and Grand doesn’t see anywhere someone could obviously appear from. He frowns. Deciding he’ll have to explore further, he starts to wander, turning the corner, and nearly jumps out of his skin. 

“Hi,” says the person swinging their legs at the top of a giant cupboard, what can only be described as a shit-eating grin on their face. “You must be Mr Magnificent.”

“It’s a mononym,” Grand says automatically. 

In a flash of blue hair and smooth, dark limbs, they tumble elegantly to the ground, rolling into a crouch. When they straighten up, they barely reach Grand’s shoulders, but somehow he feels still like the one being looked down upon. It’s probably the muscles, obvious in their arms where the sleeves of their jacket have been rolled to their elbows, on their stomach where it’s visible under a white cropped shirt, the kind developed from sustained use, not aesthetic. 

“Echo,” they say, still smiling, and, yeah, it’s probably also the sharp lines of their face, their strong jaw, their bright eyes. Grand doesn’t intimidate easily, but beauty is not something he can resist. “Dromedary said you needed a special kind of metal.”

Their eyebrows waggle, and where it should look ridiculous, it only makes them more attractive. Grand blinks. 

“Yes,” he says. “Do you have it?”

Echo hums. “It’s pretty hard to get a hold of,” they say. “Nearly impossible to find in its raw form.”

“So that’s a no,” Grand says, unimpressed, and Echo’s grin sharpens. 

“It’s a not yet,” they say. “You know Caliper Bandit, right?”

“Sure,” Grand says. “Eccentric collector type, throws big parties, more money than sense. I’ve heard of xem.”

There’s a wry sort of look on Echo’s face. “I was kinda surprised when Dromedary said you’re a mech guy. Your metal usually turns up in ancient pottery replicas, and as it turns out, Caliper has an extensive collection.”

Grand’s eyes narrow. “How extensive?”

Echo shrugs. “More than enough for what you need.”

“So you’re going to steal it,” Grand guesses, and Echo shakes their head. 

“ _We’re_ going to steal it. You’re an integral part of the plan.”

“I,” Grand says. He said whatever route, and he meant whatever route. “Okay.”

They give Grand a deliberate once-over; Grand determinedly doesn’t blush. “Did you bring any nicer clothes?”

Grand looks down at his tangerine jumpsuit, unbuttoned to his navel to reveal a green lightning-bolt-patterned shirt underneath. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Oh, buddy,” is all Echo says. 

Grand opens his mouth to protest, but Echo’s already striding away, disappearing behind a corner. Literally - when Grand dashes after them, there’s nothing but air. 

“What kind of criminal are you?” Grand demands, and a laugh echoes back to him. 

They return a minute or so later, in skin-tight velvet pants and a different crop top, tighter than the previous one and edged with lace, a translucent cape flowing over their shoulders. They’re holding a shiny coat in their teeth, their hands occupied twisting their hair into fancy shapes; when they’re done, a neat crown of braids circling their head, they toss the coat at Grand. 

He catches it, raising his eyebrows at them. 

“It’ll jazz up your outfit,” Echo says, which wasn’t any of Grand’s questions, but okay, sure. He shrugs it on, and they give him an appraising look. “Much better.”

“For what purpose,” Grand says flatly, and Echo grins. 

“We’ve got to look the part,” they say, “if we’re crashing a party.”

&&

Grand rather thinks they have different definitions of _crashing_ and also _parties_. At the door, Echo hands over a card and they’re welcomed inside as Mx Reverie and their guest; inside turns out to be a sprawling ballroom crowded with dancers, revelers. Grand half expects Echo to hold out their hand, arch an eyebrow in an invitation; he’s definitely not disappointed when they only catch his eye and lead them out of a door on the left. 

The hallway is just as grand, though less populated, as are the other rooms Echo leads them through. It becomes clear that Caliper Bandit’s home _is_ the exhibit. Or the exhibit is xir home. Every room is filled with artifacts, lining the walls and the surfaces; many _are_ the walls and surfaces. Grand can admit he’s impressed, a little. Enough that he doesn’t notice Echo coming to a halt, and walks right into them. 

“Easy,” Echo says, grabbing him by the waist, which somehow makes Grand feel even less steady on his feet. This close together, Grand can see the glitter on their eyes and cheeks. He finds himself thinking about lifting a hand to brush it from their lashes, trail his fingers down their cheek. “Grand?”

Grand shakes his head, hard. “Is this what we’re here for?” he asks, gesturing at the pottery display in front of them. 

Echo nods. “Pretty, isn’t it?”

“Sure,” Grand says, but it’s not the pottery he’s really looking at. “So how do we get it out of here? I’m assuming we’re not just going to walk it all past the drones.”

“I have two ideas,” Echo says cheerfully. “I’m not sure which one you’ll like more.”

“But you think I’ll like one of them?” Grand asks, giving them an arch look; Echo returns it, sweeping their gaze over his body in a way that makes him flush. 

“You look like the kind of person who enjoys a good ruckus,” they say. “Do you wanna fight me or kiss me?”

Grand blinks. 

“We’re gonna get carried away and start breaking shit,” Echo explains, as if this is any explanation at all. “Which option do you prefer? Fair warning,” they add, eyes sparkling, “I’m very good at both.”

Grand licks his lips. He takes a step towards Echo and lays a hand on their cheek like he had thought about doing earlier; their skin is so, so soft. Echo straightens, shoulders rolling back, head tilting up. 

Their mouth is soft, too, at first. Echo’s hand finds its way back to Grand’s waist and Grand melts into it, opening up for them, letting himself be pulled in close. The press of Echo’s body, firm against him, under his hands, makes Grand’s head spin.

When Echo pushes him backwards, Grand stumbles with them, gripping them by the shoulders to keep hold. There’s some crashing noises, sounds of smashing that really ought to be more alarming, but Echo’s got Grand backed against the wall, hands roaming over his body, and Grand's not really paying attention to anything else right now.

And then somebody yells, “What is the _meaning_ of this?”

Echo breaks away, wiping at their mouth. Grand stares at them, fixed on the redness of their mouth, the glittery smears across their cheeks and nose. It takes him a second to register the person storming towards them, and a second longer to realise it’s Caliper Bandit xemself. Grand’s still too well-kissed to feel anything approaching panic, but he’s very aware the current situation warrants it; he just hopes Echo planned for this. 

Grand tries to rearrange his face to communicate this expectation, instead of whatever he had previously been communicating. He’s not sure how successful he is, since the next thing Echo does is _giggle_. 

“I’m so sorry, Caliper,” they say, “we got a little…” Here, they give Grand a very obvious once-over, biting at their red, red mouth. Grand stares a little. “Carried away.”

“I can see that!” Caliper retorts, and just when Grand thinks he might actually be able to panic after all, xie starts giggling, too. “You absolute cad, Reverie. Try not to smash my entire collection next time you sneak away from one of my parties with a paramour, yes?”

“I’ll do my best,” Echo says, while Grand, eyes incredibly wide, mouths _Reverie_ and _next time_ and _paramour_. “In fact, I’ll do even better - I’ll fix up the set for you, good as new.”

Caliper sighs. “You’d better,” xie says. “I was ever so fond of this collection.”

With one final, mournful look at the broken pottery scattered on the floor, xie sweeps out of the room. The smile drops off Echo’s face and they start sorting through the shards, separating out Grand’s metal. For a second, Grand just watches them, and then he shakes his head hard and crouches down to help them. 

“So this was your plan?” he mutters, in case any drones are still patrolling. Echo flicks him a sideways look, amused. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” They pull their cloak forward and press the metal into it; the cloak seems to absorb the shards in, though the still translucent fabric shows nothing of them. Echo smiles, satisfied, and all Grand can think about is how nice it had been to kiss them, how much he wants to do it again. “I’ll replace the metal with a synthetic fibre; Caliper won’t know the difference. Xie won’t even notice anything is different.”

“Want some help with that?” Grand asks, very casually. Echo looks over at him immediately, eyebrows raised, so, okay, maybe he didn’t manage to be as casual as he hoped. Grand glances away, feeling his face heat. “I am an artist, after all. My skills could be of use.”

“Sure,” Echo says, and Grand thinks they’re laughing at him a bit, but when he glances back, their smile is warm. “I’d love that.”

**Author's Note:**

> pls imagine echo and grand recreating the pottery scene from ghost. you're welcome. 
> 
> also the extremely good oc names are from [fatt npcs on twitter](https://twitter.com/fattnpcs)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] (here it comes) with no warning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20356831) by [growlery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery)




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